Dealing with Expectations

Each of us is unique, and every child has their own strengths. Some children might be brilliant at non-verbal reasoning (solving visual puzzles) but struggle with English or maths. Others might be fantastic at creative writing but find logic-based questions harder. Some schools choose to test in just maths and English, whilst others might add on verbal or non-verbal reasoning, or creative writing, or any combination of those subjects. If the tests your chosen school has picked happen to coincide with your child's strengths, you're one of the lucky ones, and it's crucial to remind your child that failing the 11 Plus test doesn't mean that they're not intelligent!

It’s also important to remember that children develop at different rates. Some are academically ready to pass the test at age 10, while others might blossom later. A child who doesn’t pass the 11 Plus may still go on to thrive in secondary school, university and beyond, finding their strengths in different subjects or simply developing academically as they mature.

If a child has to work extremely hard just to scrape through the 11 Plus, it’s worth considering how they’ll feel once they’re at grammar school. Grammar schools often have a fast-paced, high-pressure academic environment. If keeping up with the workload becomes a struggle, they might feel overwhelmed or unhappy. A school that matches their natural strengths and learning style could be a better fit in the long run. A child is far more likely to flourish academically if they are in an environment where they feel comfortable and happy.

Whether or not your child passes the 11 Plus, what truly matters is that they work hard and do their best, because that’s what leads to success in life. You already know that your love for them isn't tied to a test result, but it is important to make sure that they know that too!

Taking the 11 Plus test can open doors, but no one has to walk through those doors if they don’t want to, and if the doors stay shut, there are still many different ways to reach the right destination, even if you don’t yet know what that destination is. No child should be expected to have their whole future mapped out at age 10, and grammar school is just one of many possible paths to success.

Instead of focusing purely on passing the 11 Plus test, try to:

Talk openly – discuss your child’s hopes and worries, and let them know that you will always love and support them, no matter what.

Set achievable goals – encourage them to do their best without making success feel like an all-or-nothing outcome. Studying for the 11 Plus helps develop skills that will benefit them academically regardless of the test result.

Praise effort, not just results – hard work and perseverance matter just as much as test scores.

Avoid comparisons – every child is different, and it’s not helpful to compare them to others.

Preparing for the 11 Plus test should not come at the cost of your child’s well-being. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, encourage plenty of breaks for hobbies and fun activities. A healthy balance between studying and relaxation can actually often improve their performance.

A grammar school place can be a fantastic opportunity, but it’s not the only path to success. The most important thing is that your child feels supported, valued, and confident in their abilities, whether or not they pass the 11 Plus test.

Children grow and develop at their own pace, and a ‘no’ today doesn’t mean ‘no’ forever. By focusing on their strengths, helping them manage stress, reminding them that their future is bright no matter what, and assuring them that you'll always think they're awesome, regardless of the test result, you can help make this journey a positive one for both of you!